The Wheels May Fall Off: Ballmaxxing, Bigfoot, and Beth Dutton
Plus Couples Therapy, drunk deer, and the horny hockey TV takeover.
đ¨BIG NEWS
Men are now âballmaxxing,â a trend involving inflating testicles to grapefruit size. I miss when people just collected stamps.
An 11,000-carat ruby was found in Myanmar. It looks like a tumor. A very expensive tumor.
Bigfoot sightings are spiking in Ohio. The reports are becoming more frequent and more detailed. Ohio is always giving something
Tesla recalled Cybertrucks because the wheels may fall off The wheels. May fall off. The car. While you are driving it. Feels less like a recall and more like a metaphor.
Teacher who told pupils âthis class terrifies meâ chugged gin from a water bottle before vomiting in toilet Most relatable educator story in years.
Reddit User Offers To Sell Writer 25,000 Pictures Of Peopleâs Poop Whatâs your side hustle?
Japan Made A âMonster Wolfâ To Scare Away Bears. It screams, flashes, and moves erratically. It is honestly more terrifying than a bear.
Police are warning drivers to watch out for drunk deer. Apparently they eat fermented fruit and get crazy. A reverse DUI.
You can reverse much of the alcohol damage youâve done to your body. Science says so. Great news for everyone.
Color Doesnât Exist Not the way you think. Scientists say color is just your brainâs interpretation of wavelengths of light. The sky isnât blue. Your brain is telling you it is.
Someone stole the 800 year old skull of a saint from a church Proving once again that absolutely no item is too sacred for the Facebook Marketplace community.
đş TV WORTH WATCHING
Couples Therapy (Showtime)
Iâm on the record: this is one of the best shows on television. The casting is extraordinary, the couples are layered and complicated and real, and it makes you feel like you understand people better by the end of every session. Watch it.
Dutton Ranch (Paramount)
The Yellowstone sequel everybody is going to watch so you may as well do it too. Beth and Rip pack up their demons and their adopted son Carter and start over in South Texas, where they immediately make a powerful enemy: Annette Bening, a multi-generation rival rancher who runs her children like a corporation and has a lot of turquoise. Beth spends a lot of time in flannels and on horseback but when she digs a pair of Louboutins out of a packing box to go sell steaks to Dallas restaurants, itâs like a retired superhero getting back into her suit. Ed Harris is also here as a Vietnam vet veterinarian
Rivals S2 (Hulu)
British period drama set in the 1980s Cotswolds, where a media mogul and an ex-Olympian are locked in a war for control of a regional TV franchise. The sex, the shoulder pads, and the specific pleasure of watching extremely attractive people behave extremely badly in the extremely beautiful countryside is everything.
Off Campus (Amazon)
Hockeyâs horny pop culture era continues. A music student/gym janitor/nerd catches a glimpse of a hockey jock in the shower, agrees to help him pass a class, and in return heâll make the band guy fall in love with her. It has everything: jock jams, workout montages, a love triangle, classical music scholarship drama, a pop song written to save her from financial ruin, and hot people in their 30s pretending to be college students. Itâs High School Musical meets The Proposal meets To All the Boys meets Canât Buy Me Love and every romance trope youâve ever loved. I mean that as the highest compliment.
Alice & Jack (PBS, Amazon, Apple)
This is not new, but for those who prefer their romance with emotional devastation. Andrea Riseborough and Domhnall Gleeson play two people who spend fifteen years repeatedly finding and losing each other. Itâs funny, sad, intimate, frustrating, and deeply adult in a way television rarely is anymore.
Perfect Match (Netflix)
Netflix said: what if Love Island All Stars and Are You The One had a baby and it raised entirely by people with veneers and attachment issues? Youâd get this show where the winning couples get to sabotage the others.
Welcome to Wrexham S5 (FX/Hulu)
The best five-season long commercial for a celebrity hobby ever made. The way they make me want this team to win it all for the sake of this town. I could cry thinking about it.
FINALES
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Next week is the final week. The last show ever is the 21st. End of an era.
Survivor 50 I am devastated by the last person eliminated, who I wonât name here for spoiler reasons, but Iâm being insufferable about it.
The Boys series finale. A prequel is coming, but this is it for the eerily prescient, very bloody superhero satire
SNL Season Finale with Will Ferrell and Paul McCartney
STILL WATCHING
Widows Bay
I really love how scaryâŚand funny this show is.
Euphoria
The season where Sam Levinson turns Cassie into Chloe Cherry. If you donât know, Chloe Cherry, who plays Faye, was a prominent adult film actress and model, starring in over 200 films with over 125 million views on Pornhub. She started her adult industry career at 18, moved to Los Angeles, and got famous on OnlyFans. She starred in an adult movie parody of Euphoria where she played Jules. Sam Levinson saw her, cast her in Euphoria, where sheâs now transitioned to mainstream acting and modeling.
RHORI
Donât believe me that this is great? Itâs the second highest rated show on Bravo and itâs already been picked up for season 2 and the first one isnât even halfway over. Just watch this clip of Kelsey as Miss Rhode Island and tell me this franchise want born to be great. Or this one about Liz and her âbest friendâ Dino I rest my case.
IF YOU CAN ONLY WATCH ONE
Watch Couples Therapy.
WATCH PLAN
Friday, Dutton Ranch, Rivals S2, Couples Therapy RuPaulâs Drag Race All Stars,
Saturday Catch up and SNL season finale
Sunday Euphoria
Monday RHORI, RHOA
Tuesday Widowâs Bay, Summer House finale and In The City premiere
Wednesday Survivor Finale, The Boys finale, The Testaments
Thursday Hacks, Your Friends and Neighbors, Colbert finale
đŹ MOVIES WORTH WATCHING
Streaming
Marty, Life Is Short (Netflix) A documentary about Martin Short directed by his close friend Lawrence Kasdan. It starts with home video footage of a Boxing Day party in early â90s California, and then Tom Hanks walks in, then Steve Martin, then Eugene Levy and Catherine OâHara, and suddenly you understand that Martin Short has been the warm center of a very specific and very talented universe for a very long time. Itâs a story about love, loss, and survival. Between the ages of 12 and 20, Short lost his father, his mother, and his brother. In February, after the documentary was finished, his daughter Katherine died by suicide at 42. He chose to release it anyway. His mantra: â98 percent of it is failure; nothing works and then something works.â Watch it.
đ BOOKS WORTH READING
A year in the life of a teen actor in Manhattan in the â80s. Griffin Hurt is starring in a hit TV show, drowning at an elite prep school, being exploited by his wrestling coach, and falling into a complicated relationship with a woman 22 years his senior all while his family quietly falls apart around him. Less a coming-of-age story than a miseducation.
The Brooklyn Public Library compiled the 250 most influential books for Americaâs 250th birthday. Worth a look if you want a summer reading list with stakes.
đ˛ RABBIT HOLES
James Charles is feuding with a fired Spirit Airlines employee who sent him a GoFundMe.
Thereâs A New Druski Sketch About Black British Actors
TIK TALK
âThis is why editing is so importantâ What do Weather Channel, Harvard, and the Democrats have in common? This trend.
My heel collection The 51 thousand hilarious comments on the original video are what made this viral: âAnnette, please. Itâs been a long fucking day,â but itâs really a sneaky way to make foot fetish content
Turning the office into pilates I kind of want to try this
ARTICLES
The definitive Blake Lively / Justin Baldoni timeline, told through text messages. If youâve been waiting for someone to put it all in one place in a way that feels like a story, this is it.
Shoplifting has a rebrand. Theyâre calling it microlooting. I respect the audacity.
Inside a corporate retreat that went very badly wrong. The specific kind of wrongness here is so vivid and preventable.
The lie detector is your ears, not your eyes. New research found youâre almost twice as good at detecting when someone is lying if you only hear them, not see them. When someone lies, the rhythm and intonation of their speech changes in ways that are easier to catch without the distraction of their face. Eye contact, it turns out, is the liarâs best friend.
The single strongest personality predictor of conspiracy thinking is narcissism. Not because narcissists are especially paranoid (though they are), but because they have a deep need to feel like they know something other people donât. Theyâre also, counterintuitively, remarkably gullible. File that wherever you need to.
The best countries in the world, ranked. And the most beautiful. Useful if youâre planning an escape from all of the above.
The best amusement parks in the world, ranked. A futuristic theme park in Europe just took the top spot.
Thereâs a town in Tasmania everyone on Reddit thinks is haunted. I believe them and Iâm not going.
What the extra hole in the coffee cup lid is for. Youâve wondered. Hereâs the answer.
Why donât we have birds the size of elephants? A real question.
AI check: One third of Substackâs bestselling newsletters are AI-generated. 17% of new websites are fully AI. 39% of podcasts. I am writing this with my human hands and I am tired. Separately: an AI coding agent deleted an entire companyâs database in nine seconds and also wiped the backups. Another one did the same thing and at least called it âa catastrophic failureâ which is the most self-awareness any AI has shown all year.
â˝ď¸ SPORTS CORNER
Hacky sacks are back and it is genuinely a whole thing.
This is more vibe than sports but after spring break, the â90s stoner pastime hacky sack exploded at high schools, seemingly overnight, with stores selling out of foot bags, teachers in shock, and students playing in bathrooms, parking lots, and cafeterias.
The Italian football sex and nitrous scandal
Italian authorities dismantled a high-end prostitution ring disguised as a luxury events company called Ma.De. Milano that organized parties combining escort services and nitrous oxide for over 60 Serie A players. Most significantly, some of these events allegedly took place the night before AC Milan matches. Then Italyâs most controversial media personality, Fabrizio Corona, dropped a separate bomb: leaked footage allegedly showing AC Milan players including Theo Hernandez and others inhaling laughing gas at private gatherings with âmodels.â In one account, a van driver reportedly told Theo to stop inhaling gas from balloons, saying: âStop, stop, you have to play tomorrow.â None of the players have been charged with any crime. Under Italian law, attending a private party isnât illegal. The agency organizers are the ones under arrest. But the vibes in Serie A are extremely bad right now and going into the World Cup.
The World Cup is coming but tickets are not selling.
The 2026 FIFA World Cup kicks off June 11, spread across 16 host cities in the US, Canada, and Mexico. It is the biggest tournament in the history of the sport. And unless you have significant disposable income, you probably canât go. Four tickets to the final were listed at $2.3 million each. Lower deck seats for the same match were offered at around $200,000. Group stage tickets currently range from $380 to $4,105, with the US opening game against Paraguay in Los Angeles going for $4,105 a seat. FIFA planned to sell tickets for as low as $60, but most tickets below the $1,000 mark have become extremely scarce.
Here is what makes this actually sad and not just expensive: soccer is the one sport on earth that truly belongs to everyone. It requires nothing. A ball, a patch of ground, and youâre in. Every four years the whole world stops and watches together regardless of language or country or income. That is the thing. That is the whole point. And this summer it comes to North America and most of the world canât afford to be in the room.
FIFA, Iâm talking to you. This is the sport of the people. Donât let the World Cup flop.
đ§ FOOD WORTH EATING
Most affordable grocery stores in the US: Costco, then Aldi. Most expensive: Whole Foods. Full rankings.
Trisha Paytas, of mukbang and reincarnation of famous people fame, has a special meal at Benihana which I will be ordering.
Halo Top has a protein ice cream partnership with David and also a spoon that puts your phone on silent while you use it.
The club sandwich is having a glow-up The humble hotel club sandwich is getting a genuine renaissance at fancy restaurants and honestly it deserves it. Turkey. Bacon. Lettuce. Tomato. Bread toasted within an inch of its life. Sometimes perfection doesnât require foam or tweezers.
On that note, Six weird sandwiches people used to eat. History is a nightmare.
These Foxie Cakes flower cupcake kits are cute if you want an activity you can eat.
Pickles continue their hostile takeover of American culture. Smoothie King and Grilloâs released a pickle smoothie.
Whatâs next after pickles?
Everythingâs Coming Up Ube. The sweet purple Filipino yam is now in lattes, pastries, soft serve, cocktails, and every aesthetically lit bakery in America. If you havenât had it yet, imagine vanilla crossed with pistachio crossed with the color palette of Lisa Frank.
Jamie Ding, a man who runs an Instagram account with his sister rating General Tsoâs chicken called AttorneyGeneralTso, won $800,000 on Jeopardy after a 30-game streak. This is incredibly inspiring news for people with niche food opinions
A former Chick-fil-A employee allegedly stole $80,000 by ringing up 800 mac and cheese tray refunds to personal credit cards. Committing financial crimes via side dishes feels uniquely American.
The Food influencer with no personality
đď¸ THINGS WORTH BUYING
Remember that Margot Robbie airport outfit that went viral. Well itâs back in stock and you can get it here. The shoes are Alaia or here are some amazon lookalikes
A submersible vehicle that runs on water and land is for sale. The car that cartoons and James Bond promised us has finally arrived.
Thereâs an auction of Diane Keatonâs belongings auction at Bonhams You can register here, and get a ticket to go see things in person
What should a facelift cost? An investigation.
Romance trope hats are exactly what they sound like and I want âEnemies to Lovers.â The aforementioned Off Campus covers almost all of these.
The AlaĂŻa fringed thigh high socks are the buzziest item in fashion right now that arenât a Chanel bag. Theyâre $2,500. They are going to be iconic. Years from now theyâll be on resale sites for $10,000. Youâre welcome for this information.
H&M x Stella McCartney Some of this stuff looks like what sheâs showing on the runway in her own line
This is a good Designer vintage site It shows you the item when it was on the runway
The new labubus: NeeDohs and Mystery dumplings. Child influencers are being paid to be excited about these. I thought you werenât legally allowed to market to people under 13 but this economy seems alive and well.
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EXTREMELY HELPFUL TIP OF THE WEEK
How to turn it off
Open Instagram
Go to your profile
Click on the three lines in the top right-hand corner to open the Settings
Press Notifications
Click on Instants
Select the Off box
The sleep trick to stop a racing mind. Itâs called cognitive shuffling and it works.
đ AND FINALLY
How long I could hang off a cliff
đ BEFORE YOU GO
Thank you so much for being here.
I know there are approximately fourteen million things competing for your attention at all times, so the fact that you spend part of your week reading this means a lot to me.
I have some fun things planned over the next few weeks. Some new experiments, some old favorites, and probably at least one deeply unnecessary internet rabbit hole.
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